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The End For The AWP!!
1 
The End For The AWP!!
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I would have just put a link down, but there is none, so you will have to deal with this. If you think this is a big joke, go look for yourself!
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Backspace, by Evan Lahti
AWP RETIRES
Famous, infamous counter-strike sniper rifle dedicates remaining years to youth mentoring, killing awareness.
DE_DUST, ARIZONA- The Arctic Warfare Police sniper rifle, longtime friend to noobs worldwide and sworn enemy to helmets, has announced its retirement from the popular online multiplayer action shooter Counter-Strike.
In response, the Alliance of Averagely Regular Players issued the following statement: "Phew."
By all accounts the most-fired single-shot weapon in a video game, the weapon's 10-year career was the subject of constant controversy. But beyond accusations of being imbalanced and permanent bans on 32 percent of CS servers, the AWP, who has won seven consecutive "Ragequit-Inducer of the Year" awards from Parents Basement magazine, was lauded for its contributions to exploding head science, a field the grew in parallel with the AWP's popularity.
"It's been a wild run," AWP spoke tearfully at a press conference on Tuesday, lighting a corn cob pipe. "I'll miss the little things: being wielded as an instrument of complete destruction, the timely no-scope kills, violating human rights treaties with my uranium-depleted .338 ammunition while training millions of dazed youth on proper scope sighting..."
"But I'm not done pwning," said the AWP in a series of familiar hammered tones that put everyone on edge...
...
After a burst of applause, AWP thanked the pressm then walked back onstage moments later, leaned into the microphone, and announced: "COUNTER-TERRORISTS WIN."
Longtime companion Desert Eagle could not be reached for comment, and is said to be twirling fancifully upon an index finger. CS developer Valve Software announced that it would retire the letters "A," "W" and "P" from Counter-Strike, blocking players from typing them for in-game communications, and therefore making references to spawning completely indecipherable.
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This is such a loss! We will all miss the AWP in CS. My message to DC, "Please keep the AWP!!"
Thanks for taking the time to read this!
666DeathRider666
